I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately on the subject of interpersonal relations between men and women. I’ve been devouring blog posts, articles, and books on the famous dating stage in particular (I’m both curious and amused by everything that’s said on the subject, especially because I haven’t been single in a long time).

couple, date, rendez-vous

As much as it can be said that my readings have opened my eyes to new points of view on the subject, along with several interesting cruising techniques and purportedly effective straightforward approaches, I find myself left with a number of questions. Despite the number of experts who wrote on the matter, many covered the same topics:

What to say to the man of your dreams. What to do to keep him interested in you. How to behave so that he chooses to remain by your side ‘til death do you part. What to do… What to say… How to behave…

So, I shouldn’t be myself if I want to please a man? I should sacrifice my principles in order to trick a man into loving me? That’s right, I said “trick” because he won’t be falling in love with me, he’ll be falling in love with my carefully crafted replies and assumed behaviours. Should we stop being ourselves for fear that we might appear too much of this or not enough of that? Don’t we want a man to fall in love with us, the real us?

date coupleSource : Unsplash

I want to allow myself to be spontaneous without worrying about making a faux pas. I want to text message the man I’m interested in without analyzing my every word for fear that it might be too insinuating or direct or maybe even not flirty enough. I want to enjoy the time I spend with a potential boyfriend without replaying our dates over and over in my mind, dissecting and analyzing every single thing I said, in order to reassure myself that I said the right thing at the right moment with the right tone and the right facial expressions. I realize that experts on the subject of dating can be of help and their writings can provide us with food for thought. That being said, I firmly believe that a woman shouldn’t settle for anything less than a man who will love her passionately as a whole person, one who has both strengths and weaknesses; a man who cares about her interests and hobbies; but above all else, a man with whom she remains her authentic self.

I believe that if our romantic relationships keep breaking down, it might be helpful to take stock of what we want and, if necessary, to work on self-improvement for the sake of our own well being. It’s important to value the qualities we already possess, rather than inventing them and trying to be someone we aren’t. A loving relationship begins with loving the person we see in the mirror. Wouldn’t you agree?!

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Annie Charbonneau

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