RealTalk is Le Cahier x The Booklet's advice page. However, instead of seeing Dr. Phil's face at the end of the article, you'll be graced with mine. For each article, I'll read a message written by an anonymous reader and will try my best to respond and find a solution to that particular troubling matter. Whether the topic is about relationships, love, work, home environment or simply need some help to decide if you'll change your fries for a poutine next time you go to McDonalds, I'm here for you! At times, your friends will probably tell you what you want to hear in order protect your feelings, yet we all know that is not what you truly need. And it's okay to be given some tough love, and for that reason since we're in no man's land; might as well take advantage of the situation and perhaps those tips might shine a brand new light.
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for quite some time, I've spent an enormous amount of time thinking about my boyfriend's ex. They were in a relationship for 3 years and I truly intimidated by this fact.
When we first started dating, she liked and commented everything my boyfriend and his family posted on every social media platforms. The type of girl who wants to show the world what kind of woman she was prior to their relationship… the one who doesn't let go even after me and my boyfriend have started dating for a few months; she always found excuses to talk to him and admitted how she felt hurt he's moved on. And even if she has stopped this bad habit and never has my boyfriend given me the impression to still have feelings for her, I can't help myself from stalking her, check their old pictures together and love declarations on each other's Facebook timeline.
I don't know how to feel in this situation and worst of all, I have the feeling i'm competing against her. What should I do?
A confused girl
Hi confused girl,
I have the impression that you're more talking about a rash than a girl in this message of yours. And I completely understand the situation.
Let's clear something out. Feeling like you're competing against her is the same as if you were Beyoncé and her, Selena Gomez. I mean, there's no comparison to be made and obviously this face-off is one-sided. Thanks.
I get how her presence in your relationship might annoy you and create a some kind of insecurity. But I strongly advise against having this feeling overthrown you. I mean, it's not something your boyfriend will be turn on about.. I think. And don't forget that he's with you, not her.
Somehow you've won and you should put your energy on that.
You're telling me that your boyfriend doesn't have any feelings for her and he's moved on; great! Now, trust him.
There's some history and you don't have much choice than accepting it. Even if it includes a crazy psycho ex in the background. Same for when you order a Big Mac without pickles by knowing with a certainty the guy making it doesn't give a rat *ss and still with put some. You have to be the bigger person here and deal with it.
You don't have control over her on what she does on social medias. However, you can have the conversation with your boyfriend to remind him it's time for her to back off and take a chill pill once in a while.
There's also the fact that they're not together anymore. And you know why? Is it because she was indeed annoying and a control freak? Is it because she was too paranoid with social medias and your boyfriend's exes and perhaps it's the reason why they broke up? If you've said yes to at least once… girl, get it together. And for the love of god, stop stalking her.
In the end, you're probably doing the same thing she's doing and obviously she's acquired some experience in the field. If you go down their history lane, in the end and it saddens me to tell you, you're the one who's acting like a psycho and if your boyfriend catches you snooping around, this might cost you your relationship.
I know this worries you and probably affects your relationship but this won't be the last bump down the road you and him will have to deal with in the future. I know you're capable of moving on as well and forget about your boyfriend's ex.
Come on Queen! xx
(By the way, baseball bats are sometimes on special at Canadian Tire. You know, you never know)
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