I met my ex when I was 17 years old. At 18, we started to see each other and three months later, we were moving in together. At 22, my girl friends started to get married, having kids (or were seriously thinking about the latter) and it did pressure me. I wanted to live that life too. Back then, I still didn't know who I was as an individual, I took several classes and has many jobs. I didn't know where I was headed. A few weeks before our wedding day, I started to realize who I was, to know where I wanted to be. I realized that my boyfriend wasn't the right one for me and who I was supposed to be with, yet the social pressure from this failure of separation scared me. So at 23 years of age, I got married.
I launched my new start-up project not too long after the wedding and like I pictured it, he wasn't there to support me. He said otherwise, but I felt he didn't want to help me through this journey or was truly there when I really needed him to be. I still thought he wasn't the right guy for me, but I was yet again more scared to divorce him than a separation.
Crédit photo: Francois Beaupré
I tried to hold on, to see what life had in store for us… and we decided to have a kid. It was at that point, when I was carrying a child and was high off hormones that it truly kicked in: I told myself this wasn't working out. I couldn't stay in an one-sided relationship. He wanted to stay home and watch tv, I wanted to explore the world. He wanted a quiet life where routine and stability reign. I, on the other hand, wanted to be out of my comfort zone, experience each aspect of life and forget about this awful word that is routine. He didn't support me in my dreams and I had to show to my son how everything was possible, how it was important to follow your dreams. But how could I show him that if I'd be lying to myself.
In February 2015, I've had enough and unfortunately had the courage of telling him a few months afterwards. He begged me to give him (another) a chance. The fear I had from a divorce was in his favor and I stayed. But we weren't happy and we both knew it. For me, everything went downhill after the month of August. I received a call that has changed my life forever. The call that made me realized that one of my dreams came true. When I told him the news, he sighed and didn't even congratulate me or even be a little excited. Nothing. Nada. Not even a smile. That day is still the best day of my entire life: the day where I chose myself!
We're still waiting for the divorce to be finalized, but I can affirm it was the best decisions I've ever made. I don't think of it as a failure and I ain't ashamed of saying I'm divorce even if I'm only 26 years old. I got out of a relationship that in the end, wasn't the right one for me. I was in relationship without knowing what love was.
A Mustang Like P.K. Subban, an Asset for a Vanguard Team