Don’t you feel like the more you date, the less datable you become? You go on dates with guys whom you thought were good looking, with a great personality; the whole package deal and one day BOOM, a red flag here, another one there and you’re back to square one. Unofficially (that say, in my book), our generation has been labeled as a disaster relationship-wise and we, the twenty something years olds feel as though we are about to become an extinct species.
Dating sucks balls!
I personally feel doomed.
We’re unfortunately stuck in that loophole. Rare are the people who wish to settle down, or at least tell you right away from fear you’re coming off too strong. Their/our alternative? Keeping it simple, casual with no strings attached. However, my question remains, how come keeping things simple makes this whole concept more complicated?
Because, life’s a bitch. That’s why.
"Let’s just see how things flow", in my dictionnary, usually means : "flow your way into my bed". Great! Another one. Or perhaps, those are the kind of guys I do attract. Go figure.
You’ve probably been there girl, and know that you’re not alone in this situation. That situation of playing this same old game. Being single is fun, don’t get me wrong, but if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in my mere 5 years of dating… honesty is key. Or else it’s a crazy batsh*t show you’re getting yourself into.
Why don’t you just tell him what’s on your mind!?
Easier said than done obviously.
You’re scared that if you put your foot down, the guy that you like will stop talking/seeing you. Well there’s a big chance that might happen but at least you’ll have avoided that painful heartbreak later on. You should always know beforehand know what you’re getting yourself into, and if playing mind games isn’t your cup of tea or there’s too much confusion, you need to clear the air and move on if that may be.
Plus did you know that when we, girls, have sex and orgasm, the same hormone that is stimulated is the same one you feel when you fall in love. We’re already screwed… Now we know why.
However, this isn’t the point of this therapeutic article today. Girls are not always the ones prone to get hurt in these "casual" relationships.
Some of them only wants to keep it simple in order to get their life back on track, they're the ones that are "going with the flow" and if that’s the case… props to you.
Others get their heart broken they're hopeful things will change for the better… and perhaps there is a chance that this is your knight in a shining armor.
Girl…. it rarely happens in real life. Do yourself a favour… ONTO THE NEXT ONE!
And then there are girls like me.
The girl who’s seen a lot. Explored the world, met a wide variety of people enough to know what she likes and dislikes. A girl who can be ready for something serious and yet, doesn’t mind a casual seasonal fling. A GIRL WHO HAS A LOT TO OFFER. Flirtatious enough to keep her life interesting, and independent enough to not get down on herself and feel desperate. However, here’s where we cross the line… WHERE AND WHEN DO WE STOP?
Do we keep doing this to ourselves because there’s nothing better happening in our lives or do we simply NOT HAVE THE TIME to put our energy into something more organic?
I truly believe it's a bit of both. Plus it's no lie when I say dating is a seriously daunting task. We all know that game, yet I feel that most people do not know or even understand the rules. It's as if a simple concept -dating- became a game over time because of a single omission of a golden rule and role of conduct… The omission of honesty is where all hell broke loose. Now, things once considered simple have become complicated and a head-scratcher that we, the twenty-something guys and girls are now dealing with.
I'm just thankful to have my girls around because oh boy, what would I do without them. Going through all of this had led me to become a therapist to my friends and sometimes they are the one to me. This is why I dedicate this article to you, sisters, goddesses, all of you who are walking on this earth.
We girls are a beautiful species. We support each other and boy, you girls inspire me. Forget about that calculus focus group/study group. Need to create a sext or flirty text to your guy and believe me your whole squad brings their A-Game into delivering the line of the decade. They’re there to cheer us up, to stalk the hell out of your guy's exes -I mean we know their entire back story in less than 10 minutes, that’s not a secret-, buy us drinks when we’re feeling low or even push us to be bold once in awhile and flirtatious. They're there to give us tough love once in awhile: to toughen up, man up and end it with this guy because deep down, it's only hurting you and you don't want to admit it.
Bottom line is this ladies, before spilling all the juicy details about your new fling to your girl friends… ask yourself this: how do you feel about him or your current situation whatever the latter may be?
It's one thing to be honest and not hold back, it's another to fully be in sync with your mind and trust your gut. Plus, as a good friend of mine would say: If you can tell your friends how you feel about that guy, why wouldn't you be able to tell him.
Perhaps if we started by being honest with each other…. maybe our generation wouldn't be as doomed as I thought it currently is. Food for thought.
*I'm a no health or relationship professional, Carrie Bradshaw nor even close of getting a book deal. What I'm writing here isn't soundproof, it's merely my own and humble opinion and what you do about this information is entirely up to you.
Cover image: manrepeller.com