RealTalk is The Booklet’s advice column. However, instead of seeing Dr. Phil’s face at the end of the article, you’ll be graced with mine. Through the column, I attempt to provide helpful solutions to the concerns shared by an anonymous reader. Topics can cover a variety of issues regarding relationships, love, work, and family life. Heck, I’m even willing to help you decide whether to order fries or a poutine at McDonalds. Whatever it is, I’m here for you!
Friends may at times attempt to spare your feelings by telling you what they think you want to hear rather than what you need to hear. But sometimes a little tough love is what’s needed and I’m here to provide it as an objective observer. I might even help you see the situation in a whole new light… you just never know!
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I’ve been feeling a little lost lately in the imaginary world I’ve created in my mind; sort of like Alice in Wonderland.
My boyfriend and I split up a year ago after living together for five years. He was my first love. Heaven knows it was hard; moving, losing the friends we had as a couple, and severing ties with his family – the family I had grown to think of as mine. On top of all that, as though that wasn’t enough, I found out a few days later that he started dating our former neighbour. They’ve been together for a year now and are apparently madly in love. My self-esteem has been hit; so hard, that I can’t even picture myself in another relationship.
I’m so terrified of falling in love that I’ve limited myself to fuckboys. The only guy I had any feelings for turned out to be nothing more than just another fuckboy. To make matters worse, the guy ghosted me and I can’t stop obsessing over him. I don’t know what the heck I was expecting; afterall, he was just another Tinder date. But he seemed so different from the others. We dated twice and text messaged each other several times. And then nothing. He simply disappeard into thin air. I finally received news of him after two months of waiting.
I could really use some advice if I’m to regain my faith in men.
Truth be told, there’s no point in rehashing your breakup or in analyzing his life post-breakup because, to be blunt, you need to put him in your past and move on. Goodness knows, we all think we’ll never be in another relationship after we’ve had our heart broken. But guess what, we’re always proven wrong. It’s just like those times when we wake up with a hangover and we swear we’ll never drink again. I mean, really?
Instead of telling you that the cure-all to a broken heart is munching on a poutine and watching reruns of the Property Brothers, I’ll explain how to deal with a guy who has ghosted you. By the way, you can’t put all men in the same basket. Easter is long gone, girl.
You asked about rebuilding your faith in men. First of all, not every man you meet is gonna ghost you. There are some that make a career out of it but that’s less than 15% of the male population (or thereabouts). I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. When a guy ghosts you it’s his way of saying that he’s either not, or no longer, interested in you. That’s it. That’s all. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out the emotional or scientific reasons for his behaviour because there aren’t any.
When a guy ghosts you, it’s because he doesn’t want to invest time and energy into explaining why he’ s no longer interested in you. And that’s okay. It is what it is. Just for the record, girls ghost guys too. Just sayin. Choosing to limit yourself to fuckboys is like playing with fire. Sooner or later, you’re gonna get burned. Substituting fuckboys for love is like telling yourself you’ll order a salad instead of fries at McDonald’s. REALLY?
We both know that sooner or later you’re going to meet a guy you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with. It might be the next guy you fall for or it might be the fourth. But you’ll never find the guy if you keep telling yourself that all men are the same. That’s like saying you’ll “just watch one more episode”.
The more you fill your mind with barriers and fears, the more difficult it will be for you to open yourself up; and the more you do that, the less likely you are to ever trust a man again. You need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with someone else.
There are good people everywhere, even on Tinder, I promise. xx
Source : Giphy
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